ONE NIGHT ONLY: Smile Politely presents See-You Burlesque and Peep Show
Come one, come all! And when we say come...
Spring fever has hit and we have a warm-weather treat that is sure to leave you all hot and bothered. We figured it's time to bring a little spice to Champaign-Urbana's nightlife, and who better to indulge you in your deepest desires than your favorite, sexy, SP writers.
Join us at Mike ‘n Molly's this Saturday night for a show that is guaranteed to knock your socks off. Actually, on second thought, don't wear socks. We'll need access to your beautiful, bare feet.
A sneak peak of what's in store for this decadent evening of debauchery:
Music columnist Ms. Weisner will start our night off right with a slow, seductive revelation of what's hiding under that lab coat she sports all day at med school. Set to one of the finest soundtracks you'll hear all year, her snake and feather-accompanied strip tease promises to fulfill all the reptilian, avian and mammalian fantasies you've ever dared dream. While we don't encourage feeding the animals, there will be no shortage of performers and participants ripe for petting.
Mrs. Nectoux sheds her editorial persona and assumes her after-dark identity of Dominatrix Demoana. Leather, whips, rope and a fierce pair of stiletto-heeled boots will be just a few of the items you can expect to see as she handpicks her Submissives from the crowd. We won't spoil all the fun, but we encourage all attendees to wear a few layers of undergarments to the show—especially if you bruise easily.
Our favorite yogini-in-training, Mrs. Gabriel, will defy gravity with some jaw dropping moves she's been saving up over the course of TYE. As she contorts herself into a tangled mass of limbs and hair, Gillian will make us question where she raised the funds to get those lower three ribs removed. One lucky audience member will even have the opportunity to get a VIP tutorial on how to use his/her own clavicle to stimulate the prostate/gspot!
Not one to be outdone by his better half, Mr. Gillespie will follow with a titillating demonstration of his new line of environmentally friendly bicycle-powered sex toys. No longer are those looking for a little extra ride from their ride stuck with that simple and unsatisfying seat removal routine. Join Joel in the beer garden and find out how your bike can get you off right after you get on!
Resident disgruntled graduate student Mademoiselle Mica will shirk her academic responsibilities for one night only to wow us with what she's named "The Tempo." Fast, slow, and everywhere in between, pack a snack for this one, folks—she's a marathoner, so we know she's got stamina whether she's on the road or on her back!
By this time we expect you'll be feeling a little randy, and ready for at least some mild participation in the night's activities. Head upstairs during our intermission and let editor and co-founder Mrs. Bursoni indulge your appetite for pleasure. Shirts, shoes, and pants are strongly discouraged as Justine showcases some of her most artistic abilities on willing participants with a variety of pleasingly edible provisions. Note: To enjoy this act to its fullest potential, please notify our staff of any food or latex allergies before playing.
While you're there, stick around for the Nickel and Dime Peep Show where you can get glimpses of other writers' naughty bits for mere pocket change! Spend 35 cents or more and our own Abe Lincoln look-alike will give you a special show for a single shiny penny.
To get your final juices flowing, SP co-creator Mr. Fein will bring it home with amazing feats of manscaping and esophageal flexibility. Sporting his legendary hand-crafted "hairkini" (patent pending), Seth will shock and delight us as he breathes fire from a sword-occupied throat. Nothing is too hot, too sharp, too long or too hard for this professionally trained gullet of steel. Spectators should plan to stay until last call, when Seth will reveal his most coveted of rod-swallowing skills.
Can't make it out on Saturday? Plan to attend and leave wanting more? Learn how to bring some of these tricks to your own bedroom on any budget with my DIY Sex Toys Workshop during iSHAG week at UIUC, sponsored by the Women's Resources Center.
So, get ready to get wet, weird and wild with the SP crew and help us ring in the spring season with the hottest night this town has seen!
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Best Neighborhood Bar (& Grill) : Urbana - My ‘hood- the ‘Boom! http://www.boomerangbarandgrill.com Go on a Wing Wednesday or Fish Friday, or see a band play some night. Local blue-collar Urbana terroir galore. My only beer snobbish gripe is lack of a pale hopped ale, but you…
The one thing that’s bothered me for a while about the Friar is that, for most commonly purchased adult beverages, you can actually walk down the strip mall to Schnucks and get them cheaper. It makes no sense, but there it is. I suspect it’s because Schnucks…
Maybe I complained enough in person. One time I even explained to the (wholly uninterested) clerk how to navigate the Illinois Statutes web page, and Savoy’s Municipal Code database I wouldn’t know because I only go there when I want to pay 30% more for anything, which is never.
@Rob: You seem to have the weirdest experiences. I’m in Friar Tuck every other week (don’t tell my mom that I’m a lush). They never fail to ask for my birth date but never my age, they never card afterwards, and they often allow me to use…
This column affords me a long-awaited opportunity. I’ve wanted to write my own column called Fuck You Friar Tuck Liquors. but I always thought it’d be too pithy. Here, I can say Fuck You Friar Tuck Liquors and not feel bothered to stretch it out to 750…
Ha! Exactly. You, sir, are welcome at the bar in My House.
Why wait ‘til 3 pm?
I’m excited to go tonight- should be very fun!
Next, I want to know about growing up on Ennis Lane. Or the neighboring Surbana Estates. http://pathfindergroupil.com/index.php/surbanaestates
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Snell and the little Hitlers of the neighborhood association need to chill out. Legitimate businesses should have the freedom to exist without having to endure the slings and arrows of ignorant and misguided opposition.
represent, Matt.
Yeah, I’d agree that Transporter Room 3 is the worst house venue I’ve ever seen.
Food trucks are the start-up, small businesses of the future for those unable to afford real estate. No surprise, that merchants who pay rent, utilities, and maintenance on a property would despise the traveling competition. Or developers who build more empty retail spaces would want to close…
Not so much far-right Tea Party as a balanced, moderate viewpoint between letting businesses succeed and protecting society with reasonable regulations. In spite of what the city reps are saying, the interpretation of policy on this issue certainly has changed. Letting a business start up under one…
I think it’s neat that SP has turned rightward, now espousing a Tea Party-style frustration with government regulations & taxes.
This makes me so sad. (Happy to live in Urbana, though!) Crave Truck has been a GREAT addition to the food choices in C-U, and it’d be a travesty to chase them away. This town should be supporting small businesses. I’m glad to hear that they’ll still…
*slow. clap.* Still offering no threat of intelligence…. I know I said I thought you should just write this whole column yourself next year, Isaac, but now that you’ve gone and taken a “part deux” run at it, I’d like to modify my request: Best Music 2013,…
Actually, it’s kind of nice, the quiet. John Heoffleur’s engaging commentary/dialogue is sorely missed, however. In lieu of someone intelligent saying something, I’ve compiled a list of Honourable Mentions: BEST ROCK BAND: Take Care ::these gentlemen have four completely different sets at their disposal right now (which…
What? Echo! (Echo!) Where’s the dischord and dissent?
This weekend will mark the first appearance of Kayla Brown’s Fire Doll Candle booth at the Market. Check it: http://www.facebook.com/firedollcandles
And without bloodshed. Sounds like the Savoy trustees aren’t as narrow-minded as some of their whiny pants constituents. Do you think quack Snell is already planning an asinine counterattack or is he still laying low after those “threats” against his person?
hey, if hair ain’t gon’ be over your head, my jokes may as well be.
Okay, almost 24 hours later and I finally got Issac’s Summer joke. I’m an idiot.
Excellent. I am glad sometimes American dreams are encouraged, rather than stifled.
Swap the dog for a fire pit and it sounds like you’re writing about my back yard. Very nice.
funny, as your summer begins, another Summer ends.
@Dan - Wow. Unfortunately, I have to refrain from further comment due to a previous employment relationship. But with that brief context you might be able to imagine possible comments or responses I could have.
Oh, by the way, the “Champaign County YMCA” no longer exists. The official name is now the “Stephens Family YMCA” (the website has not been updated, but check out the latest program guide). And no, it’s not just the name of the building. It’s the name of the organization.
Very inspired Photochops as well….
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@Jason: You’re right about that. I get groceries at Schnucks (they carry what I buy, which I can’t say of any other single grocery store in town), and if they have a beer I’m in the market for it’s usually a quarter or two cheaper per 6-…