Yet another remembrance of Dan that refers to him “passing away” while failing to mention that he intentionally put himself in the path of a train.
If we don’t talk about it when people kill themselves, and talk about what people can do to reach out for help when they feel like killing themselves, we ensure that we’ll lose more people in this way.
This isn’t specific to your article; it’s the common thread that unites all the articles written about Dan.  It’s also one of the reasons I can’t support the flatlander fund, because if any organization has a responsibility to address the issue of suicide in our community, at least as part of its message, it’s that one.
I miss Dan’s chocolate a lot, and miss his person even more.  And I’d hate to see another person I care about, young or old, take their own life because they didn’t know that they could reach out for help.

It should be noted that some people who were close to Dan are not as convinced as the coroner as to suicide.  There are indications that his death might have been due to the impulsive and foolish decision of an exhausted young man to try something dangerous.  And there are virtually no indications that he was in anyway depressed or suicidal.  That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a suicide, but we really don’t know, and never will.  

The coroner has not made a ruling in Dan’s death. Suicide or not: his friends don’t know, this family doesn’t know, the Flatlander Fund doesn’t know, and Anonymous doesn’t know. If and when it is ruled a suicide, we can talk about that, but until then, working toward positively fulfilling Dan’s dream—as well as meeting Dan’s family’s wishes—are what is most important. Please attend Thursday’s event and show your support—for Dan, his family, and the idea.

the flatlander fund celebrates one of the many remarkable ideas dan had while he was living, and is trying to make that live on. that is amazing to me, and, in my view so much more impactful for our community than debating the circumstances of his death. i can’t wait to have another taste of his amazing chocolate, and celebrate his remarkable life on thursday! 

Yes to Teresa and yes to Stuart.  Agreed that we’ll never know exactly what happened.  But for me, it was Dan doing business as usual.  Trying something risky because it was something he wanted to do. It was something he had expressed interest in doing over the years.   Yes, it was very risky and, as it turned out, fatally foolish.  And, yes, the outcome was very unfortunate. And, yes, we are incredibly sad and the world has lost a truly remarkable individual.   But, from what I know of Dan, he was not one to be fazed by the need  to take risks to accomplish his goals,   And, gee, if he was living by his principles, who are we to criticize? And who are we to debate the value of a community kitchen that has the potential to benefit so many people in the CU area?

To Anonymous #1 -  I am sorry that you feel so disheartened by the efforts of the Flatlander Fund and I am sorry that you continue to feel tormented by Dan’s death. He clearly had a significant impact on your life. If you feel strongly about raising awareness of the issue of suicide, then I strongly urge you to seek out others that feel the same way and follow your passion to improve your community.
To John - Thank you for the article.
To everyone - Thank you for your support.
 
 
 

To Anonymous #1 - Let’s assume for a moment that you and the News-Gazette are correct. The unbelievably sad reality is that suicide is contagious. Communities can go for months or years without one and will then experience a wave. Individuals having a hard time will read about or hear about another person and be tragically inspired. The Flatlander Fund is trying to create a community gathering/working space where people can connect. It seems to me that’s a better use of our time and resources then simply setting up a hotline. While i’m prone to sentimentality my involvement is less about honoring Dan’s memory then about being inspired by his life. This was a great idea when we were sitting there with him planning it together and its a great idea still. 

I don’t understand, Anonymous. 

I’ve been trying to understand for a while now. Working at a community food hub, I’ve been hearing the perspectives of many, many of different people who knew Dan to differing degrees ever since his death. People have asked morbid questions, shared their grief, told stories of the first time they met Dan, talked about missing the chocolate he made, speculated about how he actually died, and more. Some have expressed outrage anyone would dare suggest it was a suicide, others have expressed frustration the community isn’t talking about it as a suicide, as you have, and there have been many variations in between. But none have suggested that whatever their opinions or desires are that they should supersede those of those grieving Dan most, his family. 

I’ve wrestled with this belief I’ve heard expressed by one or two people that there is some sort of imperative that we speak about Dan’s death, as a community, as a suicide. I’ve tried to understand the reasoning of it. The coroner has not said they are convinced it was a suicide. Dan’s family has not said they are convinced it was a suicide. While I do not know many of Dan’s close friends, the ones I do know continue to express doubt as to what actually happened the night Dan died. No one close to Dan that I am aware of or close to the case has said it was suicide. Perhaps you were close to Dan, I don’t mean to assume, but I worry that you were not and are instead projecting your own feelings and issues onto this situation.

I have had someone close to me commit suicide. I have watched what the aftermath does to a family and to friends even when it was clear as day that it was an intentional suicide. Forcing the issue publicly without their being any surety that Dan’s death was a suicide at all and without the family of the one who has died wanting to take the issue public does not seem in any way productive or compassionate. Again, where does your surety of how Dan died come from?

To say the Flatlander Fund has an obligation to educate the community about suicide also does not make sense to me. I have honestly searched my heart on the matter - we’re all grieving differently and to differing degrees and I desire to do my best to hear and accept these different perspectives in the community - but this still does not fit for me. The Flatlander Fund was started within a week of Dan’s death with Dan’s family’s blessing and encouragement. I was at the meetings where this idea was discussed with the family and the family, as one voice, clearly supported the Fund, expressed desire to be active with the Fund, and contributed ideas on how to forward the Fund. I know the core volunteers at the Flatlander Fund, and no benefit, text, or press release has gone forward without first going before the eyes of Dan’s family. They are fully informed of everything the Fund is doing and are participating in the decisions about the Fund. I am assuming you were not aware of this because otherwise what I am hearing is that you are insisting to Dan’s family that they address Dan’s death as a suicide to the audience of the C-U community or that they, if not willing to do that, then not do anything to publicly memorialize the life of their son in our community until they are willing to do so.

Sudden, unexplained loss of a brilliant and well-loved community member is very hard for any community to deal with. We’re all coping in our different ways. For some in the community, the way they dealt with and continue to deal with the loss is to put their confusion, grief, and love into action they believe enriches the community and they believe Dan would have wanted and *know* is what Dan’s family wants. I honor your concern that those that who are struggling with suicidal depression be reached out to and told they are not alone and I hope all with such strong convictions on the issue act from that place. I know I do. Its been 22 years since I lost my loved one to suicide and I still strive in many ways to reach out to those who are living in the hell of suicidal depression. But I think it is a disservice to the community and unkindly judgmental of how others grieve to insist we all, including Dan’s family, agree with you that Dan’s death was a suicide and take responsibility for that to a degree you feel is acceptable by your standards before speaking or acting to honor the memory of Dan’s life. 

With sincere desire to heal and for community healing,

Jacqueline Hannah

Way to take the high road, Tommy. So, Anonymous commenter #1, have ten long winded, exhaustive, defensive, emotionally super-charged responses in a row made you seriously rethink your life yet?
And for those who wanna go after me too, I’ve lost a friend under pretty much the exact, albiet rare, circumstances. But it was in Chicago, so, amongst so many people, those who knew him just had to stick together. But I guess that’s what you all are doing now.