BEST: Sports
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If you missed our entry on The Arts yesterday, as well as the overwrought origin story for this series, get caught up here. Today: Sports.
Best Illini sports program: Tennis
Craig Tiley put Illinois on the collegiate tennis map. In his twelve years as coach, the Illini went 274-77, claimed nine consecutive Big Ten titles, and won the 2003 national championship. Even after Tiley's departure from C-U in 2005 for the player development directorship at Tennis Australia (he now also runs the Australian Open tournament), Illinois tennis remains firmly in place among the nation's elite programs under current coach Brad Dancer. The Illini boast an eight-year streak of NCAA Sweet Sixteen appearances, and they head into this weekend's Big Ten Championships ranked 14th in the nation.
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Best place to play croquet, bocce, and assorted lawn games: The President's Mansion

This is how you throw a tea party, people. With absinthe.
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Best tennis court: Eisner Park
The lone court at Champaign's Eisner Park is the best in the twin cities for two reasons. First, its green carpet playing surface yields a game that is inimitable in these parts. Well-struck, heavily-spun serves and ground strokes skid on the turf. Good footwork is a must, given the slickness of the terrain and quickness of the action. This fanatic has on more than one occasion pretended to be playing at Wimbledon with an old wooden racquet. But, more than anything else, it is the charm of the place that lifts it above other community tennis spots. This is a neighborhood treasure, C-U's Wrigley or Fenway: a cozy, enclosed haven surrounded by 80-year-old homes and a friendly saloon. And in the early evenings in May and June, folks can rally to the sounds of Little League baseball being played just 100 feet south of the net.
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Best basketball court: Phillips Recreation Center
Finding a pickup game in C-U is pretty simple when the weather turns nice, but finding the right game is a little more difficult. Part of the deal at Phillips Recreation Center, located between Springfield and Stoughton in downtown Urbana, is that you better come ready to play. The fact that there is only one court makes the level of competition intense on any given Saturday, and the setting makes for a perfect homage to C-U: just urban enough to call it city ball, but with the wafting south farms, just country enough to be helpful in the development of the next Jimmy Chitwood. Oops. Wrong state.
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Best gym: Momentum
If you like to watch movies while machines manipulate your limbs, then by all means head over to Refinery. It's an extremely nice facilty, and a self-motivator can surely make great strides on that beach body. If, however, you want to have your ass handed to you on a daily basis while you get in the best athletic shape of your life, then check out Momentum. They follow the crossfit strength and conditioning program, which has gained a cult-like following in the last few years for a simple reason — it works. Yes, it's a little expensive, but for the amount of individual attention and actual progress you'll see, it's well worth it.
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Best place to arm yourself: Dave's Firearms
Dave's is the full service gun shop for Champaign-Urbana: handguns, long guns, ammunition, repair, shipping and just about any other service related to owning and operating a firearm. Dave himself is passionate and knowledgable and has dedicated himself to (what this editor believes to be) a worthy cause: the 2nd Amendment of the Bill of Rights! Scoff if you like, but word has it that if you stop by on a Saturday you just might run into your favorite Marxist professor. The only thing lacking is a fully operational indoor shooting range. Come on, Dave!

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Best mini-park: Mini Park IV
With so many pocket-sized oases to choose from, this category is ripe for controversy. Lush and verdant # IV, nestled snugly into the bosom of Champaign's arterial byways, narrowly edged out McCollum Park, which can suffer seasonal privation at the death of the peacock-cornucopia. IV most fully realizes its purpose as sanctuary for the weary traveler. And just look at that view from the bench.

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Best Illini athlete that you may not have heard of: Angela Bizzarri
Well, you've probably heard of her if you have even a passing interest in Illini sports beyond football and basketball; we're not really unearthing a deeply hidden gem here. Bizzarri is the defending NCAA outdoor 5,000-meter champion and is a two-time All-American in cross country, outdoor and indoor track. The junior from Mason, Ohio, is also an Academic All-American studying molecular and cellular biology. No word yet on whether she can also walk on water, but the smart money is on yes.
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Best Parkland College program: Baseball
It's gotta be the baseball Cobras, who are the defending NJCAA DII national champions and are off to a stellar 32-5 start this season under coach Matt Kennedy.
Last season, Parkland finished 44-9 and rampaged through the postseason, going 9-0 in the regional and national tournaments on their way to the Cobras' second national title in the last eight years.
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Best place to go for a run: South Farms
It's difficult to get very far from civilization (or mechanized agriculture) within jogging distance of C-U, but this route will get you as close as possible. Between public berry bushes, the Pollinatorium, and the feeling that you're cutting through the property of several different farmers, it's a little more of a stimulating trip than the normal crushing flatness. Honorable mention: Meadowbrook Park and Hessel Park.
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Worst Illini team: Football
I have nothing clever to say here that hasn't been said better a thousand other places, but just look at them guns on Coach <REDACTED>!
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Check out Wednesday's Food and Drink entry here.
29 comments
way to get one whole female featured on here—wahoo!
dig the photos, though. very nice.
Christ, emma. And how many singular MEN do you see featured? What a shitty perspective. Take your reactionary crap somewhere else.
Sorry, but that’s a horrendous comment.
@Emma
Most of the awards in this category went to geographic locations. For the rest of them, three went to men’s teams and one went to an individual woman. I would hope that both men’s and women’s sports were eligible for the best/worst categories, so in the end we’re not too far from a demographically accurate 50-50 split.
If we really want to be equitable about it, there is at least one women’s team out there that had a worse season, rankings wise, than the football team, but it’s much more hip to take shots at the bloated football program rather than a small group of student athletes toiling in relative obscurity.
Tom A
Who’s up for some food, fun, and games at Mini Park IV?
Nice staged photos. But I gotta ask: given this aside, “this fanatic has on more than one occasion pretended to be playing at Wimbledon with an old wooden racquet,” why no photo?
Pete
Emma is right. Scroll through the photos again. There are 2 women, 26 men, and 1 child of indeterminate sex. Personally, I attribute this phenomenon to men being complete sexist douchebags when it comes to sports… even hipster doofus men.
The next time you are at the Blind Pig or Mike & Molly’s, just see how many of the uber-hip, Elvis-Costello-via-Buddy-Holly-glasses-wearers have ever watched a WNBA game. They will probably say they have, but you will know, deep down inside, that they haven’t. The enlightened ones may even comment about womens basketball being superior in “fundamentals,” but you’ll know they are just patronizing you. They like dunking, not fundamentals.
Seth: talk about reactionary. Project much? Jeesh.
Best bike race:...?
If you’ll look closely, the human being on the perimeter at Phillips has breasts, so there’s one more for you. And she was a total baller so ... wait, is that inappropriate?
Maybe one of us could have put a kind of lipped container between our legs, though I’m not sure that would have helped. I guess goofing on the excessive machismo of sports at the outset didn’t win us any points. Oh well, back to my Smiths records and Foucault.
Dude with balls
Just to throw a little more of this article’s gravity to womanity I will say what every other guy is thinking ... Angela Bizzarri is TOTALLY SMOKING HOT, YAARRRRRR!!!!!!
Pete, you are right that Seth overreacted (as did Emma). But I disagree that the feature tipped too heavily in favor of men. Half of the feature is about places and I don’t really care if the photos of those places feature men or women. If you’ve ever been to an outdoor basketball court in C-U, then you know snapping a random photo that features women is not an easy task.
As for “hipster” men and watching WNBA games, that’s an absurd comment. How many non-“hipster” men do you know who watch WNBA games? Does anyone watch WNBA games? No.
Pete/Doug —
Being reactionary is pretty rational to me when one is reacting to something completely and utterly outlandish, such as emma’s comment.
Yes, I was reacting — no question there. But over-reacting?
Sorry — it won’t wash.
Ok, so comment 9 was me. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.
On a serious note regarding this issue, I would like to mention that the gender breakdown at Momentum is pretty equal. If you’re a woman and are at all interested in crossfit, I highly recommend checking it out. I find gyms to generally be very dislikable places, but men and women go to Momentum to train, not to gawk at themselves and others in the mirrors. And man or woman, the trainers are great at tailoring the program to your level of fitness.
Seth’s sorry. Can we talk about guns now, or at least absinthe?
Yeah, sorry. I just thought these fellas did a great job with this article, and I thought that first comment was intended to take away from their obvious poke at machismo.
Carry on, carry on…
pretty male-heavy comment section too, eh?
gender stuff aside—I enjoyed the article! Would like to see some mention of a pretty huge fucking deal that’s happening here in 4 days. We have a marathon taking over our towns! One that serves as a Boston Qualifier no less! The work and preparation and collabortion it takes to make this event happen is mind-blowing, and definitely worth noting in a “Best Of” sports article. So if anyone is interested in watching some of the area’s best athletes this weekend, come out and support the runners on Saturday!
@Kelly & Emma,
Those are both reasonable suggestions, and I’d like to explain their omissions. Cycling & competitive running are both things that we have regular columns about (in fact, check back Thursday afternoon for Jeff Kohmstedt’s Illinois Marathon preview!), and we sort of tried to diverge from our normal coverage for the BEST Sports stuff. So: no Illini basketball, extra general silliness, in-depth park analysis, etc. Our #1 goal with this was to make it fun for us to write and fun for you to read. We suck at being comprehensive; this has been proven. We’ll try to incorporate suggestions into future installments, including shameless attempts at gender equity. Thanks for the feedback.
JP
Heated debate without Rob? C’mon….
Karl Geissler
Thank you for the respect. We wanted to build a place that people can come and be themselves as they work to improve their fitness. Most people hear of what we do, and they think that it is only for meatheads. You did an excellent job capturing what we are about, people trying to help others to get better.
JJ Wilmette
I was more disappointed in Seth using the Lord’s Name in vain than I was with the number of female pictures. Why use the Lord’s Name?
Sky
I HAVE to go play on that tennis court… what a gem!
Thanks for the nod to Momentum. We’re having a blast, and it’s been great seeing people earn real results while building a fun community along the way.
Wow, how the comments fly. Just when you think you’ve written a relatively harmless article… My only protest here has nothing to do with sexism, guns, or absinthe. Best tennis court..EISNER PARK? You’ve got to be kidding me. You can’t compare it to Wimbledon, unless you have been there and had a completely different experience than I have. Eisner’s court is poorly-maintained for the vast majority of the year. And don’t try to play there at night, trust me.
@JJ —
Perhaps I don’t see my use of the word Christ as taking it “in vain.” But thanks for checking it. Word.
Sidney,
I totally take your point about Eisner. It’s not where I would want to play if I were actually training for Wimbledon (and no, the subject of that fantasy was not myself).
I will say this in its defense. It was redone in the last year, so it’s in better shape these days. We were mainly attempting to highlight something surprising that’s a little off the beaten path. Atkins is a better facility, hands down. But like the writer said, this is an old neighborhood court. At Wrigley, Fenway or other old ballparks, sometimes you have to deal with hills in the outfield, weird angles, and strangely disconnected walls. Here, it’s more like short fences, line indentations, and pine tree detritus. But that’s what makes it fun. And no, you can’t play at night because, also like old Wrigley, there are no lights.
Pete
1) I don’t believe the breasted person in the basketball photo is a woman. I attribute the appearance of breasts to either a) lighting; or b) poor portion control during meals.
2) I agree that nobody watches the WNBA. My point is that even enlightened hipster doofuses (who should know better) don’t even watch the WNBA. Men are pathological in their feelings of sporting superiority over women. We can’t help it, even when we try. Embrace your masculinity… embrace the dark side.
Josh Healey
uber-hipsters with buddy holly glasses are much to good to watch any kind of sports. you can’t be hip if you involve yourself in such a main-stream activity.
Allyson
Great write-up on Momentum! I’ve enjoyed being a part of that community since January, and Robert’s descriptions are right on—it’s about a 50/50 split between men and women, and the trainers have done an excellent job of pushing me to go beyond what I thought I could do!
DC
Pete,
I have to disagree with your first point. I play bball around town occasionally and she looks familiar.
Pete
DC: Next time I see him I’ll tell him you think he looks like a girl.
Josh: Hipster doofuses LOVE basketball… particularly the Portland Trailblazers. Just ask Doug Martsch.
Josh Healey
ah, hipster “doofuses”. fair enough, and well played.
Most Recent Sports Comments
Oh, by the way, the “Champaign County YMCA” no longer exists. The official name is now the “Stephens Family YMCA” (the website has not been updated, but check out the latest program guide). And no, it’s not just the name of the building. It’s the name of the organization.
Very inspired Photochops as well….
Props on the new YMCA dig. I think it’s a terrible spot for it, but then again, I’m not well-to-do and I’m not willing to drive 15 minutes at $4/gallon to exercise for an hour.
http://motorcycle-intelligence.com/do-loud-pipes-save-lives/1119/ Are you a smoker, too? I feel like I’m just getting recycled arguments.
http://www.motorcyclecruiser.com/streetsurvival/dangerous_motorcycle_safety_myths/index.html “Myth 2: Loud Pipes Save Lives”
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I always have a good, but disappointed, laugh when marathon time creeps up and I start seeing posts on the WCIA Facebook page lamenting race day and how difficult it is to get around town that day. One this year said, “can’t they just go run in…
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@Dan - Wow. Unfortunately, I have to refrain from further comment due to a previous employment relationship. But with that brief context you might be able to imagine possible comments or responses I could have.